God’s Big Story & Our Marriage Stories
Recently our youngest son of five was married to a wonderful young woman we now have the privilege of calling “daughter.” It was a spectacularly beautiful outdoor ceremony overlooking the Puget Sound framed by the Olympic Mountains in Washington. We could not have asked for a better day, a better bride, or a better new extended family for our son. God has answered prayer in so many remarkable ways and our hearts are truly thankful.
I have had the great privilege and honor to officiate the weddings of all five of our children. When the first one got married, we were struck with wonder (and a not a little whiplash!) at how we were rapidly entering into a new and exciting season of welcoming daughters-in-law and a son-in-law into our family. Our family was growing. We would very soon become new grandparents. Our roles and relationships with our kids were changing, being redefined, being enriched.
With the wedding of our last child it felt a little different. We love our new daughter-in-law deeply and we are more than over-joyed for them as they set out on their own new adventure together. Once again we are blessed to see our family grow and flourish. But we are also feeling a bit of loss. This last one was our “baby.” He completed our little tribe. Now he’s starting his own - living his own story together with his new wife.
“When we can catch a glimpse of how the stories of our individual marriages fit into God’s Big Story, we find greater hope and help for the difficult times.“
Yes, a new exciting season is before us. But the transition from the last season is definitively over. So, our hearts are a little more tender lately. We find our eyes tearing up more frequently when we look at Swift family photos. We look to God and his word to navigate us safely through these new waters. We have to lean on God to be our all in all and fill up the empty feelings, comfort our hearts and make us more like Jesus in the process.
One truth from God’s word that particularly helps us is what I talked about at my son’s wedding: when we can catch a glimpse of how the stories of our individual marriages fit into God’s Big Story, we find greater hope and help for the difficult times. Here’s what I said at our son’s wedding (if you have a moment, look up and read Ephesians 5:22-33 again)…
When we read chapter 5 of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians we see specific instructions for wives and husbands. Recently I went back and read through the whole letter of Ephesians. I noticed that this is really a “love letter.” I say that because God’s love is revealed there to be the foundation of everything important in our lives.
“God’s Love is described in terms of sacrifice and submission and leads to fullness“
For people who trust and follow Christ, it is because of God’s Love that you can have confidence that you have “every spiritual blessing” in the heavenly places (Eph 1:3) and know that you are “seated with Christ” there (Eph 2:6). God’s love is what makes it possible for you to “walk” in God’s new life for you (Eph 4:1, 17, 24; 5:2). And God’s love is the power that enables you to stand firm in the face of evil (Eph 6:10-20). And right in the middle of all that, we learn that it is God’s love that fuels your marriage and glues you together in marriage (Eph 5:22-33).
Here’s another thing we notice: God’s love is described in a very specific way. God’s Love is described in terms of sacrifice and submission and leads to fullness. I imagine that every married couple here today has at one time or another asked the question: How can we have a fulfilling marriage? The short answer is: Fullness in marriage is found through sacrifice and submission.
In the beginning of Ephesians we are told that God “in love predestined us for adoption… (1:5) as his children “through his Beloved,” (1:6) Jesus Christ. And this act of love toward us cost Jesus the sacrifice of “his blood” to redeem us and forgive us our sins (1:7). And because of this sacrifice of love that Jesus made on behalf of his people, the church, they become his “body” (1:23; 2:16) who lovingly submits to Jesus as the “Head” of his Body. (1:22-23) “Sacrifice & submission!”
It goes on to say that “God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive together in Christ…” (2:4-6). And because of this demonstration of God’s great love, Paul prays that his readers would “be rooted and grounded in love,” (3:17) and that they would “know the Love of Christ that surpasses knowledge that [they] may be filled with all the fullness of God.”(3:19) There it is: the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross in submission to the will of God, makes it possible for us to be filled with all the fullness of God! And being filled with all the fullness of God is the foundation of a fulfilling marriage.
“Therefore” the second half of the letter calls us to “walk…with all humility, and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace.” (4:1-3) Doesn’t that sound like how we should live together in marriage? This is why I often say: Christianity 101 is Marriage 101.
Only the love and grace of God poured out for us in Jesus can empower your marriage to look like that. The sacrifice and submission of Jesus that demonstrated the love of God to us, calls us to live in a sacrificial and submitting way with one another, “speaking the truth in love” to one another (4:15) with the goal of being built up in love. (4:16; 1:23). This is the path to a fulfilling marriage and a fulfilling life!
“Love that imitates God’s love will be marked by sacrifice and submission leading us to fullness.”
Just before the passage on marriage in Eph 5:22-33, it starts out saying “therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (5:1-2) It continues by calling us to be “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” They say imitation is the highest form of praise. Imitating the sacrificial love of God to each other and submitting to one another is a kind of worship. Then, of course, it also calls us right here to “be filled” with God’s Spirit! Love that imitates God’s love will be marked by sacrifice and submission leading us to fullness!
So, when this letter addresses wives and husbands, it should be no surprise that it describes the relationship of love in marriage also in terms of submission and sacrifice leading to fullness. This tells us that Marriage is about so much more than being married. What God calls wives and husbands to do for each other is nothing that Jesus hasn’t already done perfectly for each of us in eternally greater ways! So, marriage is designed by God to display His Love marked by sacrifice, submission, and fullness.
Marriage is designed by God to be a display of his love through Jesus to his people. As Christians, along with all Christians, husbands and wives are both called to submit to one another in reverence to Christ. (5:21) But wives, you are especially called to display God’s love in your marriage by your submission and respect toward your husband. (5:22, 33)
Husbands and wives, as Christians, along with all Christians, you are both called to love one another by giving yourself up for one another in sacrificial ways just as Christ did for us. (5:1-2) But husbands, you are especially called to love your wife by giving yourself up for her sacrificially in order to display God’s in your marriage. (5:25)
As husbands and wives you each have an indispensable part to play as you live out the story of your marriage as part of God’s Big Story: God’s Big Story is about how He loved the world by giving himself up for us in the person of Jesus as a sacrifice who submitted himself to the will of the Father, all in order to rescue his Bride and lead her in splendor and unblemished beauty to an eternal wedding feast to delight in the fullness and joy of God’s presence forever. If we can regularly set God’s big story before our eyes as we interact with each other through the ups and downs of life, we will begin to find fullness in Christ all along the way.
