Holding Fast to Each Other
Moses, Jesus, and the Apostle Paul all walk into a wedding…what do they say?
This is not a lead in to a bad joke! Actually, according to the Bible, they would all say the same thing. Moses, Jesus, and Paul all said that when a bride and groom come together they are to hold fast to one another and become one.
First Moses
Moses wrote in Genesis:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
Moses wrote this about how God created Adam & Eve. God made Adam first and then said: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18) After this God created the woman, Eve, and brought her to Adam. What did Adam say when he saw Eve? “Wow, now that’s what I’m talking about!” which is a rough translation of:
“This at last is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (Genesis 2:23)
What is Moses telling us about marriage? He tells us that marriage as God designed it is between a man and a woman who are different and alike at the same time. To say they are “one flesh” for Adam meant that they were alike. Adam was not like the other mammals God made. These were not suitable for Adam. (Genesis 2:20). The man and the woman resembled each other, they belonged together and were of like kind.
But they were also different. Not different in an incompatible way, but in a way that each completed and complimented the other. They were “better together.” It was not good for Adam to be alone (the wives reading this know what I’m talking about – this is why you are nervous leaving the kids alone with dad!). Guys need helpers. First we need God himself, then we need our wives. The word used here for “helper” is used of only one other person in the Bible: God himself!. For those who are called to be married, as a husband and wife come together from different families, as they leave their moms and dads and “hold fast” to each other, they will be better together than they were on their own.
Holding fast to each other in marriage, then, in part means a husband and wife should bring the best out in each other, encouraging each other to be the best version of themselves in the Lord. As they spend their lives together, they help each other grow in their faith. Spouses are used by God to keep encouraging each other to live according to God’s design for our lives.
If you are married, never stop investing time and resources into your relationship. If you need outside counseling then get it. If you need accountability, then find another couple to pray for you and hold you accountable. Do you need to get away and be alone together? Then find someone to watch the kids and take the time to get away. Spare no expense to help each other to fulfill what God has called you to be and to do together.
Jesus:
In addition to the things Moses told us about Marriage, Jesus tells us holding fast to each other in marriage is not something you are doing on your own. Jesus taught:
“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6).
According to Jesus, getting married is not simply a couple people falling in love and making a life-long commitment. It is that, to be sure, but it is so much more. Jesus says God created us “Male” and “Female” which reminds us that God created marriage in the first place. This was all God’s idea. And he created it in a certain way on purpose. As God’s invention, it is not something we can simply redefine to fit the cultural presuppositions of the day.
Then Jesus adds “…what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In other words, if you are married, it is God who has brought you together. And even though you probably stood before family and friends as witnesses to your vows at your wedding, it was God who was the first witness to your vows. That’s what you were doing when you were saying “I Do” – you were facing forward declaring to God your intention to commit your lives exclusively to each other. After that you probably turned and faced each other to make your vows to each other.
So, it is first God who has joined you as one. It’s not just your own decision. And it is God who gives you the strength to stay together - to hold fast to each other. We do well to remember this on days when it takes work to love each other selflessly. We work to remember our vows before God on days when we are tempted to withhold forgiveness or hold a grudge. It is God who has joined you together. So, it is not your place to separate what God has joined, in small ways or big ways.
This also means it is God who will sustain you and strengthen you in hard times. If you are a child of God you are not alone as you work to keep your marriage healthy and whole. You have the power of God himself to help you. Think about that: God wants you to succeed in your marriage even more than you do, because He’s the one who joined you together in the first place.
So, hold fast to each other by intentionally building each other up, not only by spending time together, but by spending time together with God. How do you do that? Have you ever intentionally taken time out of your day or your week to pray together? Do you study your Bible together? Are you committed to fellowship with a healthy church? These are all ways to hold fast to each other in the presence of God. When you keep God at the heart of your marriage, He will keep your hearts in your marriage.
Paul:
Later the Apostle Paul quoted these words of Moses and Jesus, in his letter to the church of ancient Ephesus:
“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31-33)
Notice that Paul calls marriage a “Mystery.” The mystery is that marriage tells us something about how Jesus loves his people. Just before these words, Paul calls husbands to love their wives by “giving themselves up for them” just like Jesus gave himself up for us.
How did Jesus give himself up for us? Although he had never done anything sinful, He took responsibility and the blame for our sin. Why did God send Jesus to do this? When God created the first man and woman he put them in a marriage. God provided everything they needed for a happy life and a healthy marriage and family. But God in his grace and love warned them not to eat of a specific fruit, because in the day that they did, they would surely die. (Genesis 2:17)
But they did not listen to God’s warning and they distrusted God. They did not keep God’s word at the heart of their marriage. That first married couple, representing all of us, turned their backs on God. They ate the fruit. They blamed each other. And in their hearts, they died a spiritual death. Since that first sin of that first couple, all people everywhere have been born into a world of difficulty and death with hearts that have been scarred by sin. We all need someone to take the penalty of death that we earned for ourselves.
So, God sent Jesus who “gave himself up for us” (Ephesians 5:2) by dying as a sacrifice on the cross, which is the penalty our sinful hearts had to pay. Jesus paid it for us. Through Jesus, God provided forgiveness of our sins and life instead of death. Now, all who put their trust in Jesus’ sacrifice will not die in their sins, but have eternal life. That is what we call the “good news of the gospel message.”
Marriage was designed by God to display His selfless love through Jesus. Love is not simply about holding on to all the wonderful feelings you had during your dating years and early years of marriage. It is so much more! It is about how Jesus holds fast to us.
When Jesus “gave himself up for us,” The Bible says we were still “dead in our trespasses and sins.” (Eph 2:1) We didn’t deserve what Jesus did for us. We weren’t asking for his sacrifice. We couldn’t earn it. So, to display God’s love in your marriage, to hold fast to each other, we hold fast like Jesus holds fast to us. We can’t do it perfectly, but like beloved children we imitate God (Ephesians 5:1) by loving each other like God loved us: sacrificially – even when you don’t feel like the other person deserves it. God’s love came in the form of a costly unmerited gift of sacrifice. So part of holding fast to each other in marriage means never making your spouse feel like they must earn your love. God’s love was selfless.
Here's some practical ways of imitating God’s sacrificial love.
Find out how your spouse loves to be loved and love each other in those ways, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you.
Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.”
Keep “short accounts.” Make up quickly whenever you have a fight.
Give up the need to always be right. Don’t insist that your spouse must always see things “your way.” Sacrificial love means you give up your own agenda for the other.
Because God has made you one, you are better together. You can find strength in the strength of God when it gets hard. You can be a beautiful picture of God’s love in Jesus, holding fast to each other as Jesus holds fast to you.
